It's f'ing ridiculous that people are struggling to pay for school fees. RIDICULOUS!!! The heck with dependency syndrome and the rest of it. Someone that is smart and hard working and makes it to gr. 11 should be able to finish the last 2 years. What's even more ridiculous is that I even write that someone that is smart and hard working should be able to make it. Everyone should be allowed to complete school if they want to, it's ridiculous that someone should have to be a star just to get something that is so friggin' basic. It's $90 for tuition for a year, and I spent $90 on a DVD set…a new Kayak is over $1,000 (11 years school fees).
There is a woman sweeping here who was talking with me saying "My english isn't very good, I went to gr.7, I was smart, but my parents couldn't afford to send me to school so I had to stop. That's why I'm working here, to pay for my 2 children's school fees. But last year I couldn't afford to pay, my daughter should be in gr.11 right now but she's just sitting at home". She's hoping that I'll help her pay. I totally can but I won't. I want to spend my money on hang gliding when I get home and now feel pretty shitty about that. After pausing and hinting, she realizes that I'm not going to help and says "Anyways, God will help me. If I pray HARD." Because if she only prays and doesn't pray hard, then her children don't deserve to go to school.
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That's a hard situation.
ReplyDeleteI had that problem when a friend asked me during my JF if he could borrow $80 to start a business... teaching yoga.
Quite frankly I was intrigued, he had a full school notebook full of a business plan. I couldn't bring myself to give him the money because I was afraid of the repercussions. How many other locals would have business plans at my door? How did I choose him above all other people I had met to help with their dreams?
The main reason I didn't give him the money was because of fear. It just felt like a bad idea so I didn't give him the money.
My only regret was that I didn't talk to him about all those thoughts, I just said no. I wish I had explained more how conflicted I was about it, how much I wanted to just say 'sure, here's $80, let's see what you can do'.
Is it possible to have the dialog with her? To talk through your reasons for not helping? Perhaps she has some insights that would be helpful.
Good luck with that one.
Cameron.
Sometimes I just think "Who cares about only helping one person, at least it's one person and Zambians understand if you say you can't help them because you already helped someone else, it makes sense." Sometimes we think too much and it becomes a handicap.
ReplyDeleteThat being said. I REALLY wanted to talk to her for two reasons. 1. To punish myself and 2. Because I wanted to be honest.
I wanted to just tell her all that. That I had the money in my backpack right now, but didn't want to give it to her because I wanted to spend it on personal entertainment in Canada. I wanted to see the truth, what the REAL impact is of the selfish choices I make. I wanted to feel the pain so I would really know it. The only reason I didn't was because I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been a good experience for her and probably would have left her feeling hurt. Maybe not, maybe she would have understood.